Fish Fry Friday #1 – Sts. Helen and Constantine – Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland Eats

Hang onto your hats, kids. This one is going to be a bumpy review. I just got back from my first fish fry of the year. I decided to get take-out from Sts. Helen and Constantine, because I’ve been sick and wanted to stay close to home.

The fish fry runs every Friday during Lent from 5-8 PM. Enter the fish fry from the back door off the parking lot (the far-right door was the only one that was unlocked).

I got there right at 5 o’clock when they opened, because it is easier to find parking in the lot and the wait shouldn’t be as long. I got in line for the take-outs. As you can see, there were not that many people in front of me. I left the building 25 minutes later. The cashier was GLACIAL. There were two cashiers for the other line, which was much longer. One guy even tried to jump in line in front of me after he got his food, and I firmly informed him that we had all been waiting.

I have gone to Sts. Helen and Constantine in the past and ordered what I thought was the whitefish. Turns out it was the walleye, because once again it was so salty that it was not edible. So if you do go, order the whitefish, calamari or the fried shrimp. Also, the advertised “rice pilaf” was white rice. I ordered a side of rice pudding for $3 and an order of spanakopita for $3. The cashier charged me $23. $23 for rice pudding, 2 pieces of spanakopita, 1 piece of inedible fish, white rice and a dinner roll. I went online to look up the prices, and they range from $9 to $13.50. No way was my fish dinner $17. The money they raise from the fish fry does not go toward boosting the church’s coffers, but instead is used strictly to benefit the less fortunate, so I’m going to consider my dinner a mitzvah as I throw it out. At least the rice pudding and spanakopita are delicious.